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Cyber-Bullying

Prevent your child from becoming a victim of online bullying

By ClubMom Behavior & Discipline and Learning & Education Expert Stacy DeBroff

Stacy DeBroff is president and founder of Mom Central, Inc., a company devoted to providing pragmatic tips and advice to strengthen busy families and enhance home life. Stacy is a renowned parenting guru and has shared her advice on New England Cable News as their in-house expert, producing her own live weekly segment for the morning news. Stacy has also appeared on network television including NBC's Today Show and the CBS Early Show, and on television affiliates in every major market. Stacy emails a monthly newsletter to more than 15,000 moms around the world. Stacy lives with her husband, Ron, and their two children, 12-year-old Kyle and 13-year-old Brooks, outside of Boston.


If you have an instant message addicted child on your hands chances are you feel a bit out of touch with her IM lingo and struggle to understand why she hops online the moment she arrives home to chat with friends she just got off the bus with moments ago. While we as parents may never understand this new generation's penchant for communicating through computers there is a phenomenon that is emerging as a result that parents absolutely should be aware of: cyber-bullying.

Cyber-bullying through IM parallels the face-to-face bullying that goes on at school. The difference is its speed and how far it can go among kids. Many bullies think they can stay anonymous and not get caught, hiding behind unknown names and profiles.

Some kids see IM as a new way to expand clique horizons, moving exclusion and mean comments online. Kids have gone as far as to create "instant polls" and send it to all their friends to vote on whether a person is a nerd or not.

Many kids even use IM to play tricks or pranks on their friends. They can create fake profiles to provoke "funny" reactions from strangers, or invite someone into a chat room and trick friends into saying something embarrassing in front of the person they have a crush on. Some even encourage their friends to use bad language and then notify their IM provider so they will revoke their privileges. IM has created a powerful new forum for harassment.

To help prevent your kids from becoming a victim of one of these attacks, tell them to save and print out any threatening messages and to notify an adult they trust when something happens online that they are uncomfortable with. Also, put your family computer in an area where you can supervise your child's IM use, rather than in your child's bedroom.

In extreme cases, your child can change her email address, screen name, or cell phone number, or shut down certain IM or text messaging features on her phones and computers.

Take an online tour with your child, emphasizing the importance of safety, and how to stay away from strangers who may approach them on the web. Emphasize the importance of blocking IMs from strangers and review strategies that will minimize the likelihood of falling prey to a cyber-bully.

  • Forbid your child to bully online, emphasizing that the rules are the same as they would be in person.
  • Warn your child that cyber-bullying can result in legal trouble. In certain situations, restraining orders and police involvement have been engaged to stop online harassment.
  • Bullying once can lead to chronic bullying, as kids come to enjoy the sense of power over others that it can give them. IM can even encourage this process, since it provides an easy, consequence-free way of bullying.
  • Ignoring the misconduct of your kids will only tell them it's O.K. to disregard "Netiquette"-etiquette on the Internet. Encourage courtesy, so kids avoid hurt and misunderstanding in the future.
  • Listen to your child when he expresses concern over an online confrontation. The incident has very serious and real implications in his everyday life, not just online. You, as well as your child, need to realize this fact and treat problems seriously.
  • If you are unsure of the bully's identity, forward a copy of the conversation to abuse@ the Internet Service Provider from which the email came such as: [abuse@Name of Website]
  • If your child is the frequent victim of a cyber-bully schoolmate, alert school officials so the offender(s) can be dealt with in school as well as online.
  • Warn your child to cut communication with the cyber-bully, even if the offender is an alleged "friend." Teach your child to use the "ignore" and "block" features so he can avoid future confrontation.
  • If your child is bullying others, try to unearth his motivation for doing so. Ask him to express why he feels the need to act out in this way.
  • If he is a frequent offender, take away the computer or restrict IM usage.
  • Monitor your child's activities to ensure no future cyber-bullying.

Copyright © 2006 Stacy DeBroff, All Rights Reserved


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ClubMom member T from T, VA wrote on Oct 22, 2006 at 10:01 AM:
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My child used My Space alot. I looked over her shoulder when she didn't see me just to get a hint of what she was doing without being completely invasive. But you definitely need to know what they are doing on line and watch out for them.

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